As you can guess, I finished your story. I’m pleased to know you’ve found recovery, and much more. Isn’t it amazing and fascinating when rock-bottoms give way to opportunities for breakthroughs (alongside breakdowns, to be sure)? You’ve come out the other side of addiction better than when you went in, it seems. And although learning these things through a more tolerable fashion might have been desired, we see in your life and countless other examples the purifying effect fire can have on that which passes through it. It’s entirely possible you would not be the strong, joyful and determined individual you are today without having passed through your crucible.
To the point of my question: I think so few, if their lives stay on a comfortable and predictable track, take the time and expend the energy to evaluate what necessarily (due to rules of logic, or explanatory power lacking in this life) lies beyond the physical in order for the reality we all experience to actually be real. In your case, however, a painful but rare chance arose to truly lean into something beyond the physical, humbly, in faith, out of absolute desperation and emptiness. That’s a gift.
Unless you have some particular reason to avoid it, may I suggest visiting (or revisiting, if you’ve done so before) the life and teachings, and the death and purported resurrection, of Jesus of Nazareth? Never a more fascinating and enthralling character has ever been offered us than this man, c/o his biographers/disciples Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. And if you do have an aversion, I’d be very interested to know what it is, as I’ve found myself that in him a great number of life’s biggest questions have their answers.
Thank you again for your honest and encouraging story. Keep on!